Because of my own story, some questions about emotional cheating in mono relationships raised in my head, and I would like to know what you think about it. Especially those of you on this board in a mono relationship are welcome to answer (I'm sure there are a few
). Of course, everyone else is free to express their opinions as well.
I think what characterizes the need for a mono relationship is the need to feel
to come first to your partner. The exclusive rights a mono relationship offers, the label, exclusive sex, marriage, are not the point, but the message this behavior sends out: "I love you more than anyone else." I think someone who needs a mono relationship, needs to be honestly loved more than other people by their partner.
What if your partner said: "There is someone else I feel emotionally equally close to, but although I wanted to if you didn't mind, because you do I will not have sex with this person, nor call them my girlfriend/boyfriend/life partner." - and you're ok with that, would you REALLY feel
that this person is equally close to your partner, or would you, because of the fact you still get some exclusive rights, still feel you're number one to your partner, although the rational part of your brain might understand you're not?
And, to ask the polys now: Isn't this still emotional cheating to your partner, ALTHOUGH you express your true feelings verbally? Aren't you still sending out a wrong message on the emotional level, because you are not willing to show it in your behavior as well? Or to put it in a different way: Could we polys honestly lead a mono relationship, just by not letting someone else physically as close? And would it be honest, if we didn't let someone else emotionally close, although we could in theory?
Again to the monos: Would it be enough for you to know your partner COULD let other people emotionally equally close, but refuses to do so because of you?