Honestly, it doesn't seem like they have your best interest at heart at all, nor that they hold any consideration for your feelings. I think perhaps it might be time to move on. Maybe find people who are truly poly to be involved with, rather than swingers.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein