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Old 05-17-2011, 04:03 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hmm, well, I don't think it's necessarily a weird fetish to pursue someone because you sense they need healing. And yeah, her hubs gets off on it, but it seems lots of husbands do get into that. However, all these things I quoted below seem to indicate that she went about getting involved very slowly and patiently, over a long period of time, with much concern for the OP's feelings. That's why I think, even though it is still a good idea to develop other friendships with women, that this relationship doesn't seem like she's using him or like it's harmful. Maybe I'm missing something here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
She knew my story and was always there for me. She never pressed the issue with me and went out of her way to make me comfortable which was no small feat. ...

She asked me if I would be interested in a “friends with benefits” arrangement. ...

She promised that if I was willing, we would go as slow as we had to go.

She told me that she ... would ask her husband for permission to date me. She made it clear that without his permission she would not do anything. ...

After a week or so she called me to tell me he had given her permission, on the condition that I get STD tested and prove that I had had a vasectomy.

...she met me several times to talk about how I was feeling and make sure I was comfortable with this arrangement, etc....

We talked a while and she eventually told me that if I wasn’t ready she was fine with that and she would be content just holding me. I will admit that I was scared but I was also hornier than I had been in memory. ...

she was whispering to me that she wouldn’t hurt me...

...how patient she had been with me and how much she had cared to have waited on me until I was ready for this....

Even without the sex she has been a very good friend to me...
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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