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Old 05-17-2011, 09:58 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,562

Originally Posted by sinew View Post
nycindie, my heart goes out to you for what you're going through. I've read your advice in other threads, and wish I had more to give back. I can at least say that what I found about divorce was that once it was over (mine took almost an excruciating year), it was an enormous weight lifted, and very quickly I found that I looked back on my married years as if they were some other person's life. I could take the lessons (I hope I did, at least) and leave all the entanglement.
Thank you. It has already begun to feel like it was someone else's life I was living. There's just still so much fallout to deal with, it is often difficult to rise above it and not give in to some very dark thoughts.

Originally Posted by sinew View Post
I love this article by Susan Piver.
Ah, this is a brilliant article! Thanks very much for sharing that link. This part made me seriously laugh out loud:
"I wish I had known that when you live with someone for a long time, there is continuous, mind-blowing irritation. (Okay, I did know this, but I forgot.) Often the irritation arises when you try to replace your actual partner with a projection, because they always figure out a way to tell you how unlike your projection they really are. Once you pick yourself up, that gives you yet another opportunity to choose between who this person is and who you sort of hoped he was. No matter how many times I prompt my husband with the correct lines for his role, he does not get into character. This irritates me."
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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