Originally Posted by redpepper
. . . being with her is not healthy or realistic... moving on is what I would do.
But why, RP? She has been patient and kind, they have a friendship, and now have developed physical intimacy between them, which has played a large part in the OP's healing and fear of women. The only issue, it seems, is her husband, and if he is reassured that romance is not happening, why should the OP move on? I don't see it at the point where he should protect himself that way yet.
CB (and I'm sorry I doubted you - the story is just so amazing, for lack of a better word right now), this woman has served as your healer, in much the same way as a revered Temple Prostitute from ancient times, soothing and nurturing a man's broken body and spirit with sex. Sometimes people come into our lives for specific reasons and are not meant to be more than that. Sex can be simply a form of communication and connection between two people -- and quite healing -- and you can have a loving quality to your friendship, but perhaps letting deeper feelings grow toward her would not be wise.
I think you can continue with this relationship if you stay level-headed and let the husband know it is primarily physical for you and a positive aspect of your friendship with her, but not a romance. Let him know you respect their marriage and your place in her life.
I do, however, agree with Sourgirl that, while you continue seeing her, it would behoove you to start venturing out into developing friendships with other women so that she is not the sole female focus of your life. Take the healing your friend has given you and make use of it. There are other good women out there.