Thanks to all of you for the input. It really helped me put it all in perspective as well as reading up on NRE and poly in general. None of us really knew what we were looking for when we started this. Here's my bf's story: My bf's wife was the one who suggested that they open their marriage but then they never really discussed it further. She, herself, has not pursued anything. He got involved with one woman before me. His wife didn't want to know anything about it - wanted to know he was doing it, but nothing else - until she found out he was seeing the woman weekly because she glimpsed an email between them. Well... she had said she didn't want to know! So then she decided weekly was too often and said he could see her monthly. He ended it with the woman anyhow because he really wasn't that into her. So some time passed, he met me, wife knew he was meeting me but wanted no other info so she does not know how close we have become. He told her he was meeting me again in a month and she said "No - monthly? That's a relationship!" Sigh. He doesn't dare to tell her "Well, yes, actually it is." He tip-toes around her, afraid of what to say because she says she doesn't want to know... yet she DOES. But not really. lol Yeah, I'm confused too. :-P She only wants him to see me now every few months and that's not enough for either one of us! He's afraid she will tell him not to see me at all if he tells her we actually feel like we're falling in love. She opened up their marriage yet doesn't want to know or talk about anything and wants to make up rules as they go along, which is fine I guess - hubby and I are making up rules as we go along too because we didn't know what would transpire when we started this. Basically, we have rules disappearing though, while bf and wife have rules being ADDED or changed to make things more difficult. :-P So I wonder what the "experts'" takes are on this. I wish he could sit down with his wife and actually research polyamory with her but the way it looks is she is okay with him screwing around, as long as it's just sex and as long as it's only every few months if it's the same person. :-P But we are way beyond just sex. And he's already snuck in another day with me two weeks after our first time and we're planning another in a couple more weeks. We're only approved for another "session" together in August. It's really frustrating for the both of us.