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Old 10-02-2009, 05:48 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I don't know yet. The silence continues.

My mum is much like me in terms of determination. If she thinks she is right (and she does about everything) then it could be monthes before she let's it go. It will take her realizing that either she gives up her fight to get us to say she is right and swearing we will never be poly again, or realizing that she misses us in her life and that she has done this to herself. We will see what wins out. It could be a very long time.

I don't forsee ever being close to her again actually. I am imagining a future whereby I have to fight with her to do anything in terms of her future care. She is almost 70 and will be one of those bitchy hard done by old ladies who never dealt with their shit when they were younger and now takes it out on everyone around. I think anyway. Grrrreeat!

Maybe I should move out of town. Like across the country so my brother has to deal with her. He was always a mumma's boy and she has always adored him. I was always more of an annoyance as I apparently misbehaved. Really I was just a girl child who was first in order of children trying to get my mothers attention and affection because I never got any. I'm making up for that double time now with my men. Apparently that is wrong. Really I have never had so much attention, unconditional love and support as I do now. Maybe she should just let me be and let me heal from my childhood as is my responsibility as a result.

Sorry, I'm off! I get very angry and defensive lately. I am really very hurt and I apoligize if that comes out here.

I am just so sick of people whining about stuff. A little whining is of course normal and understandable, but we owe it to ourselves and those around us to get on with life and create what we need. I have done that and am now working on creating a mindset whereby I can live, for good without my mothers attention. In the mean time learning how not to do that with my own child.

Always a struggle and always something to work on. So I'm staying on task.

Thanks for listening.
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