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Old 05-16-2011, 10:19 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Hullo and welcome, and thank you for sharing your story!

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Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
I know I’m a grown man and to most this probably sounds funny or laughable.
There is nothing laughable about being afraid of something that has caused you life-threatening trauma.

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Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
She would later tell me that my personal demons and the fact that I was “broken” was a major reason she pursued me.
Hmm, this stood out a bit for me. What was her motivation in doing so? I'm a bit wary of people who are attracted to 'damaged goods', because there is a large subset of predators among them. Not saying your girl is one of them, but just curious as to why.

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Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
I learned later that this whole love triangle is a huge turn-on to her husband. He wanted to know every detail, and couldn’t keep his hands off her once she was home. Somehow I am not jealous of this, knowing that he loves “cleanup duty” as he puts it.

At first he was convinced I was some kind of player or something but after talking more with her he is now more worried about us developing feelings for each other. Even without the sex she has been a very good friend to me and I have to admit there are feelings there which I will need to explore with her eventually. From talking to both of them, she has never stepped out before me and prior to a few days ago had been in a monogamous relationship with him for the past 8 years.
Red flag flying! For me, at least.

It seems that her husband's motivations are not poly- but sex driven. He has a cuckolding fantasy that he gets to fulfill through you, but does not want to be actually threatened by your presence in his wife's life.

Have you asked what their motivations were for opening up? It reads as sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
I really have no desire to be with other women but I’m afraid of how he would take that if I said anything to him about it…. My biggest fear is that he will tell her she cant see me anymore because she would stop if he told her to.
Which very well can happen. I want to ask you to protect your heart. It reads to me as that you are not a player but they might be.

Have a talk with them. Explain that you are aware that feelings might develop, and you want them to consider that possibility.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
I know this is polyamory.
If love between you and her is off the menu, it's not polyamory but more easily described as an open relationship.
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