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Old 05-15-2011, 08:09 AM
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slm slm is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Finland
Posts: 18

have you met SG or spent any time with her? Sometimes this can help, other times it can make things worse. In any case, if they keep seeing each other you and her should probably meet at some point.

Otherwise, reminding yourself of the positive aspects of his new relationship can help. These positive aspects can also include what you get out of his seeing SG.

Have you thought at all about the approach that:

Originally Posted by Vibrant View Post
SG is totally understanding that our relationship is primary and places no undue demands on DH's time or attentions.
I understand that you may need this type of agreement to feel secure that you won't lose your husband. But at the same time, these types of love hierarchies can sometimes cause stress and expectations which are difficult to handle. You may want to at least think about relaxing the hierarchy a bit. People have emotions and demanding that they don't can be unrealistic, and can sometimes even push others in the direction that we were trying to ensure ourselves would not happen. In any case, relaxing the hierarchy can also relax the stress that it causes... in my experience, anyhow.

Finding fun things to do while they are together can also help. Also, trying to become more independent in general is helpful. Do you have friends or hobbies that do not include your husband? This can do a world of good.

I would think that also talking to someone outside of your poly circle could help... even a poly-friendly therapist, if you are open to that.
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