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Old 05-15-2011, 05:07 AM
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Erin Erin is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Chi-town baby!
Posts: 92
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I'm sorry I've been away this week - work keeps me busy -

@ Grounded Spirit
You brought up a good point about how one person’s kink is another person’s vanilla. Based on our upbringings and sexual histories, my guy isn’t as openly expressive as I am – which has led to the noticeable divide now. Last fall, he wasn’t interested in adding a partner to the bed or finding new partners aside from each other. In April, I brought up the subject again (that I’m bored). Since then, he’s been very attentive to making this work. The sex has improved so far, and we are getting closer. In fact, tonight he joked that we should include the cute waitress to our bed. I know that’ll never happen, but it was nice to know he was opening up more. But... I’ve seen this pattern before... and this will gradually disappear in a month’s time.

That’s cool you are studying to be a therapist. You also brought up excellent points – thank you!! The reason why I originally thought I may have a sex addiction is because it comes in waves like a predictable cycle. When it’s here – it’s HERE – but when it’s gone – I’m so depressed that it’s not HERE! I can’t shake certain things from my head or get anything done until it has been satisfied. Yes, those reward brain chemicals are addicting – but is that normal or an addiction? I wonder if I’m simply enjoying myself because I’m in my 30s and bored at home. I was polyamorous for many years before committing to just him, so yes, now I’m extremely bored. It doesn’t help when other men show interest in me, either. All I want to do is play all the time! Does that make me a bad person? And yes, alcohol and lying definitely comes into play when I’m really active (active 3 weeks out of the month). And when I say 'active', I don't mean sleeping with other people. I just mean it's on my mind 24/7! I think it adds to the excitement of things. So maybe that’s just me being normal wanting a little excitement in my life.

@ NYCIndie
My guy admits he has issues with his low libido but is not actively seeking a therapist for himself, and he doesn’t think I need one either. I decided this for myself. I’m going to see her this upcoming week and will let everyone know how it goes. She specializes in the 'alternative' sexualities, so I'm hoping she's into natural remedies. If I think she’s prematurely labeling me or pushing meds, then I’m OUT! But if I like her, then I will ask to have him attend sessions, too. I’m convinced that if poly doesn’t ever get included, then I will stray whether I can prevent it or not, and then divorce is inevitable because he couldn't handle my interest in other people. We'll see!

I’ve only got one life to live, and lots of love to give


Also – thank you to everyone who posted but I did not distinctly reply to!

Last edited by Erin; 05-15-2011 at 12:05 PM.
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