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Old 05-15-2011, 04:18 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Great post!

For me, I lost a lot of independance when Karma told me he didn't feel like he was needed. I had always been very independant. I was raised to depend on myself and only myself. I didn't know how to mesh that into a relationship. My last relationship before Karma lived 4 hrs away. So I was on my own most of the week until I would drive down to see him on the weekend. I didn't know how to not be so indpendant.

As is typical with my all or nothing mind set, when Karma told me he cheated the first time because he didn't feel needed, I started to depend on him for everything. Which of course had the opposite effect, where I was too needy and he needed an escape.

For me I needed to get the mental shit straight before I could actualy act on being independant. I needed to remember how to live for me. I was so affraid that if Karma didn't feel needed he would leave, but how was I supposed to balance needed without becoming overly needy?

I remembered a philosphy I had when I first started dating, and somehow forgot. I am who I am and I love me, if someone I am dating cannot love that me, I am not going to change for them. Having a partner is a bonus to my awesomeness not a requirement to make me awesome. If they aren't happy, they are free to leave, they are not my posession to try and keep.

I dunno how I forgot all that. But I found it again and it made all the difference. It wasn't that hard to find my indepedance once I remembered how important I was to myself.

I'm a homebody, I don't get much out of being a social butterfly. So going out on my own isn't something for me. I enjoy my time with Karma, I have a better time when I do go out, if he's with me. Doesn't make me any less independant. For me the independance came from enjoying my time alone instead of counting down til he got home. I love to write, so I've started blogging again, I knit, I go to the mall to walk and to people watch. I catch up with my out of state friends, do the household chores, get the grocery shopping done. I use my time when he isn't here to be productive. I don't need him to be home to entertain me.

I no longer wait to go shopping until he can go with me. I go on my own and since he hates shopping anyway it's a win win. I can take my time and enjoy myself and he doesn't get drug along.

I guess for me independance is more be okay in my own skin than what I do with my time. If that makes any sense.
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