Originally Posted by Aeon
Nope. And that is why I am hesitant about this whole thing.
I asked him right off the bat if he was married, and he said yes. I asked him if his wife would be upset if she knew (he had had a FWB for a about a year, a couple years ago?) and he said yes, most likely.
So he has cheated on his wife, and would again. I'm willing to hear him out about his situation and then decide if it's worth pursuing a relationship (or whatever) with him, but at this point I don't feel that he has enough to offer to make it worthwhile to me and the possibility of hurting his wife is an issue to me.
I enjoy spending time with him and talking about nerdy science stuff, so that's satisfying to me for now.
I'm glad you say that him potentially hurting his wife is an issue to you and made the decisions you did in not going forward. The cheating thing would have been a big red flag to me from the get go. Cheating is NOT OK. If he can't be honest with her, what makes you think he will be honest with you and value you?
Even though my boyfriend and I are new to this poly journey and haven't met anyone IRL yet, but will soon, there is a policy of honesty between us and any partners. Having been a wife that was cheated on, it's an awful place to be in and I don't wish it on anyone nor do I wish to ever put someone in that situation. I refuse to consider dating anyone who is not honest with their current partner/partners or spouse about me. Seems like you learned a valuable lesson and best of luck!