argh, my post got eaten.. will try to recreate
RP- I like your style! I'm not going to bother lecturing him though, since I doubt it will do any good. He was clear from the start (had written "attached" in his profile) and will likely just look for someone else who is willing to cheat.
I have not had any experience with cheating, I think that for me it would cause a lot of stress, hence it is unappealing, although I can see how for others it might be titillating.
I had been reading posts by all three of you (NY, siren, and RP) about the feelings of the partner who is not in the know, and the potential fallout. Also my feelings of contributing to deception.
RP, I don't think you were being unfeeling. I haven't lost a lot of sleep over this one, since fortunately I was able to put a stop to it due to the NUMEROUS red flags and the feedback in these forums.
Lessons learned? Screen more carefully, now that I know my limits and more of what I do and don't want
Also I have a hard time remembering that there are MANY other fish in the sea, and that they are not that hard to find (thanks Internet). I guess I was just coming from a place of feeling of scarcity, when in reality for the past 6 months I have actually been experiencing abundance. The last time I was really dating was 11 years ago and I found it hard to date. I had not tried internet dating until this past year, and so far it's been working out pretty well.