I think there are some questions being asked on this thread that are very insightful! And honest, to contemplate. Sometimes our motives can be unclear -- especially to ourselves.
One thing I'm finding is that my bf has certain qualities that I was attracted to, which turn out to be facets of my own personality that I'd like to strengthen. On the flip side, he is in a transition place in his life and I am fulfilling certain needs for him. So we are having an even exchange, so to speak.
The husband pimping you out? Ha ha I had my funny feelings about that at one point too -- although it was really nothing like that, just a strange feeling, when he was getting pleasure out of my sexual relations with another man. But he was not forcing me to do it, he was not benefiting monetarily (of course not), and the strange feeling soon passed. Now I can deal with it a little better when I realize -- it's ok that he gets some pleasure out of my pleasure! No point in being stingy
Sometimes he even helps me decide what to wear
But -- not ALL the time. We're pretty balanced at this point. Poly is working rather well for us at the moment (stay tuned, ha!) It IS a roller coaster, especially at first.
As for the escapism -- don't you think anyone who is living a life where they feel stifled or oppressed, forced into monogamy, unable to be their authentic self, would have some issues with depression??? I find it common here. Not unlike how it is common in the gay community -- living a lie is DEPRESSING. Rejoice in knowing that here, you don't have to live that way
I have found a lot of great people here who have "escaped" the old conventions in a brave and creative way, and I am so impressed and inspired. Not to mention encouraged and supported. I hope you will be, too. Welcome to the forum!