Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my daughter's best friend committing suicide.
Maca, GG and I took flowers to the gravesite. It was bittersweet.
I still feel a twinge of guilt for not "catching it" before she went to that step. But, I know she didn't give me much to "see" that would have told me anything was wrong-much less THAT MUCH.
I miss her and I hurt for her two dearest friends...
But-I'm so fucking thankful that it wasn't my baby.
After, we went to town and I got a much needed pair of sandals. (the old ones were falling apart).
Then we went to visit Maca's ladyfriend.
That was bittersweet too. It was OBVIOUS that she was happy to see us, we enjoyed sitting in the grass, sunshine everywhere, the kids running and playing in the yard while we talked amicably.
But-within 1/2 hour it was time for the kids of her household to go swimming. her other live in boyfriend takes them. We knew he and his wife before any of us knew her and had a friendly though not close relationship. But-he was CLEARLY unhappy about us being there-which created an awkward tension and we left.
Sometimes I think poly isn't worth the effort.
Hell, sometimes I think relationships with people aren't worth the effort.
On a side note, Maca and I had some gravely serious-productive conversations without an argument. It wasn't easy and there were a lot of tears. But, we managed a couple topics and moved on to easy camaraderie and lovemaking after.
GG's having a rough week. A lady he works with was run over and killed this week. He didn't know her well, but the rest of the staff did and the school is holding the funeral-which due to his position was his job to coordinate set up for (and soon, tear down as well). That in addition to "normal" work responsibilities. He's a naturally emotionally sympathetic person and being surrounded by so much sincere heartbreak has been taking a toll this week.
I cuddled with him this morning for an hour and we just talked. That seemed to help some, just getting his thoughts out and then moving on to other topics.