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Old 05-13-2011, 07:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Masquerade78 View Post
What if I'm looking for someone else, to tolerate the things in my marriage I'm not happy with?
Oh, no, no, no! Not a good reason to be involved with someone else! That's okay if it's a booty call, but for a relationship - disaster.

When a marriage is in trouble, adding people won't necessarily make it better and could very well make it worse. I hear/read time and time again that for poly to work (for a married couple branching out) the foundation of your relationship must be healthy and strong. I think it would behoove you to look inward rather than outward to see what needs to be fixed. How can you feel whole and satisfied in your life without relying on someone else and how do you both work on being the supportive partners each of you deserve? Love is expansive, not an escape.

And, also, put yourself in the shoes of the person you'd get involved with - essentially they're being used to make you feel better. How would that feel if someone was doing that to you? Escaping from crappy stuff, using you to feel some sense of gratification? If that person has desires beyond just a casual fling, he will be crushed when the day comes that you don't need him as a Band-aid anymore.

Of course, it's totally different if it's just sex as a release, but if you want more... go for more in your marriage, I would say is a healthier solution.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 05-13-2011 at 11:23 PM.
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