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Old 05-12-2011, 08:23 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,011

Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
I’ve almost lost track of where the chronology was, but I think the next relevant episode would probably be where things started turning around for me...for us.

And I don’t think it’s where I expected it. I see similar expectations around here all the time…and had many of them myself at one point or another. Turning points I could have expected at some point or another:
When my wife gets a gf, she’d finally ‘let me off the leash’ to get a gf too! Tada!
When my wife get’s a bf then she’ll let me off the leash to dip in whatever honey pot I like! Tada!
If I could find someone that didn’t threaten my wife in any way shape or form. Tada!
If I could find someone far far away with not chance that they’d follow me home. Tada!
If I could find a unicorn after all that liked both of us so that she’d have a vested interest too. TADA!

There was no ‘Tada!’ No magical game changing redefining moment. There was just two women who helped me and my wife transition from the theoretical to more practical.
Why do we always look for game-changer excitement?! I do the same thing.
I think it's just one of those things where everyone want's an 'Easy Button' to solve everything at once. Without work or effort on our part. These were the examples that came to mind of the poly related magic bullets. Same as winning the lottery would be to personal dept and finances, Warp speed is to space exploration, or fuel cells were supposed to be for rising gas prices for cars.
The problem of course that while a magic bullet would be nice, it's generally foolish to actually rely on the lottery to balance the cheque book. Eventually we have to stand up and actually do the work to overcome the challenges on our own steam.

Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Yes, I certainly noticed similarities to our burning building rule, too! Except, we never gave examples (such as concurrent emergencies) or qualified it. It was just BURNING BUILDING, CHOOSE INDIGO.

I think at this point, I would never have to make a choice about who to support. They care about each other enough that they'd be able to see who needed it more. I find the idea of two earth-shattering emergencies that absolutely require me to be, at this point, as unrealistic as the burning building because there are just three of us, not children/other partners/etc.
That's a good point TP, and I think highlights one of the possible advantages of poly tribes being similar to an extended family type arrangement. Given the general frequency of emergencies, it's unlikely that the timing would coincide on two individuals at once (although it can happen...for example my wife and I both had grandparents who passed away within a week of each other). But with the size of a conventional nuclear family, with only two adults responsible for the entire unit, it doesn't take much for a crisis to become overwhelming.

But that's when the extended family is usually called in...the support of the larger group can ease the burden, and how often is EVERYONE in crisis at once? (My paternal line is distributed across over a dozen aunts & uncles in about 5 other nuclear units)

So I guess I see some of the same potential in the poly world, where the poly tribe becomes a type of extended family, with a similar resilience and capacity to offer support that is more difficult to come by in a nuclear family.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

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