Thanks for your reply
Things took a turn in the last day or so and it looks like it's not going to work out.
To make a long story short, she has been seeing 2 men for a while and though we don't expect her to put her life on hold, after she made plans and reservations to come down for a weekend with us, she had a threesome with a female friend and one of her guys this past weekend.
J was NOT comfortable with this and thinks she is too open for his tastes. I was not upset and did not fight his opinion as it's not just my thoughts and opinions here that matter. I told him I didn't expect her to stop seeing the guys, but I admitted perhaps the threesome and the graphic details she shared were a bit much. We appreciated her honesty and that she was upfront and open about her other partners, but ideally that is not what we were looking for.
He said he wants us to find someone closer and not so casual with other partners. He felt that poly should be about loving multiple people and not just about the sex..that yes, sex comes with loving someone, but it should not be expected on the first meeting and should be saved for when there is a real connection developed. In short, he felt she was just into swinging basically because it seems like it's just about how much sex she can have, and not about forming anything beyond that.
I gotta say, I do respect that in him. For some reason I think maybe I thought this journey was just about sex to him and I see that he wants something more with someone else and us..and that makes me happy.