So I had a lunch date and a "fixing my broken iphone screen" date this week, both were really fun even though the professor was still recovering from a recent illness.
I realized that what I really want and need is intimacy. "D" aka Zadok, is very intimate and loves to talk, to share, to try new things, we have very similar needs to be in touch and to understand each other.
C doesn't "do" intimacy.
The professor- it's hard to tell. I have asked him a lot of personal questions, which he has answered, but there was one he didn't want to talk about, which is totally valid given that we hardly know each other. I guess I am used to Zadok and C, who have talked to me about everything within the first few weeks of meeting each of them!
I definitely get the sense that the professor is capable of intimacy, he has a partner, and he is loyal to her. One thing I am noticing is a lack of curiosity, actually with all of my partners. Some are more curious than others, about my work or preferences. I am a very curious person and ask my partners about their families, upbringing, work, goals, etc. etc. Maybe just different styles.
So at any rate it's unclear to me right now if the professor is just being normal, holding back from verbal intimacy (like sharing personal info) because this is a new encounter, or whether he plans to keep a lot of things private because this is a secondary relationship, and not poly.
I'm feeling more relaxed about the whole thing, feeling like it's ok to back out at any time, and preferring to build up a friendship before anything happens.