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Old 05-12-2011, 04:07 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497

So a good week, definitely!

Spent the weekend (or part of ) with hubs, which was nice, relaxing and lovely. Only another 6 weeks or so until I fly out there over July 4th, LOL. It'll fly by, though, between work and school and kids it always does. At least this is better than most deployments, the last two were 6 to 6-1/2 months and I was lucky to skype once a month and get some emails here and there.

I like my new therapist. I've been twice now, and we have a lot of work to do. We're working on setting down some guidelines between hubs and I that are workable. Yes, we should have done that long ago, but we managed to not have any expectations for 6 years (besides safe sex), then get married and never discuss it. Doh. Anyway, I had already talked to him a few weeks ago about getting into those discussions, but I thought about it this week before my session and honestly I only have a few for myself.

1) Safe sex (obviously, and this one is current, though I think we both need to sit down and discuss all of the STDs out there, how they can be spread, what we need to do, etc. just to be sure we're on the same page!).

2) Prior notice. This one seems to be my biggest one. I am not good with sudden surprises-- with ANYTHING in my life-- so that seems to be where we have had issues in the past. Mostly because my hubs will just be hanging out with people and will meet someone and clicke, etc... he works that way, I kinda don't. But we're getting older and for now I need to have notice when he's going to be with someone. I'm willing, eventually (maybe after 6 mos or a year, or whatever, after we've had time to get our acts back together completely), go for once a month or whatever if he goes out with the guys to be an "open season" where if he happens to meet someone that's fine. But at least I'm still "aware"...

And I know there was one more and I forgot. LOL. But really those are the main two. So hopefully we'll talk a little this weekend about it. I didn't really discuss anything like that over the weekend because we only really had a day and a half and I thought some nice, pleasant, normal conversation about us and life would be a nice change! Don't have to focus on the "work" of the relationship all of the time...

The other thing we're going to work on is my anxiety. I am laughing at myself now, because for years I knew I was a "worrier", or I'd "overthink" things, etc. Basically I've had anxiety all of my life, I just never CALLED it anxiety! Doh. Now that I see it clearly, I do see how that anxiety has definitely been the main item that bringings unhappiness and discomfort to my life. We're going to work on ways to change that, but I'm also looking into some herbal supplement-y crap to help as well. I've heard 5-htp is really good for that, as well as GABA, so I'm going to give them a shot. I may, though, just need to also get something a bit more "prescriptive" to have on hand for when I just can't get my head to cooperate. I'm not a big one on taking meds for anything, but once in a while I just can't stop my brain from working and it is ridiculous. I've had times when I was being anxious about something and I'd finally get myself to sleep and I'd wake up two hours later and as soon as I woke up my brain started again and I was up for 4-5 hours. No bueno.

The worst part of anxiety is that you can't intellectualize your way out of it. It's like your brain is worrying about things that YOU intellectually aren't worried about. That's just crappy.

Other than that, I'm kind of in a "get my own act together" period right now. I figure I have all of this time to myself now without hubs, I might as well use it to my own benefit. So no alcohol until I go see him. Eating right. Walking the dog, doing my weights, doing my sprints. And working on cutting back on stress and RELAXING.

Ever since I went to that conference I've noticed my breathing. I will be almost holding my breath a lot... not really taking deep breaths in and out. So I've been trying to remind myself to do that on a more regular basis. It's amazing how relaxing just that can be.
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