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Old 05-12-2011, 11:27 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Hullo and welcome! If you haven't already, do a tag search on 'mono/poly' and read what others in similar situations have done.

Originally Posted by sundrop View Post
His wife is nothing like me she is very muchly open with everything her feeling her thoughts sometimes even things that dont need to be spoken about . I mean I appreciate the fact that she pretty much has opened up her life to someone she barley knows becuase she can see he loves me ,but im also scared shitless . There perfect picture is someday us all living under one roof being a big happy co exsisting family.
What does not need to be spoken about? People have very different comfort levels when it comes to intimate details of their lives. From my experience, people who blabber the most about themselves usually are not that worried about privacy, and have more of a 'I have very few things to hide' -mentality. If you feel she is oversharing with you, you need to communicate that in a considerate, non-judgemental way.

Originally Posted by sundrop View Post
I guess I just am wondering is it selfish to want part of us to just be me and him I dont need everyone knowing everything about me or us.
Have you experienced breaches of trust on his part, in that he has been telling his wife intimate details of your life and your relationship with him? Because if you didn't agree to it, then it's not okay. You are entitled to your privacy just like any other human being is. I am one of those poly blabbers who talk about everything with everyone but you obviously are not cool with it and therefore, you need to negotiate clear boundaries with him and the other two on what is and what is not common knowledge.

Originally Posted by sundrop View Post
I mean I can hang out with all of them and we all talk but is there a point where I signed away all my privacy?? Is dating him mean I have to date them too ?
No, but it does mean you need to take into consideration that you four might have different definitions and expectations of this relationship. It seems they are looking for a fourth family member, and you are mono willing to try poly because you fell in love with a poly guy. They might have it hard understanding that. So you need to tell them!

Originally Posted by sundrop View Post
But I try to not get jealous that they are all constantly together and all happy and im just chillin alone doing whatever I know its new and gunna take some work but I need some direction
Why are you chilling alone? Go out, meet friends, cultivate a new interest or revive an old one! Having life outside of the relationship is essential for many monos in mono/poly situations.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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