Originally Posted by Alan1969yes
For the last couple of months, we have been emailing and / or calling each other almost every day, and have met a couple of times. We haven’t “done” anything to cheat on our partners but the thoughts are there, and so is the emotional connection.
Michelangelo would definitely NOT be able to deal with Vixen’s & my feelings for each other.
Vixen knows everything that’s going on: Red and Michelangelo are still largely in the dark.
Once Vixen & I come to terms with exactly how we feel about each other, then we are going to have to explain this to Red and Michelangelo respectively.
And there we are, back at 'is this cheating?' question again. I think it is dangerous terrain you are treading here. Especially since you have already met for a few times with a clear understanding that there is chemistry between you. Michelangelo will most likely take it rather hard, and I see no particular reason to keep adding to that hurt by continuing this friendship on the sly. I agree with Indie - you need to let them know that what's going on. Not necessarily the whole 'I think I might be falling in love and in fact, I might be poly - here's a few articles for ya!' part, which can be a bit overwhelming, especially since your relationship will seem to them to have sprung out of nowhere with no warning.
Many times we lie, even if just by omission, to those we hold dearest, and think we are protecting them from what they can't handle. It is still highly disrespectful to decide beforehand what somebody can and cannot handle, and it totally undermines the foundation of the relationship. The longer you continue with this secret relationship, the more betrayed everyone will feel when it all comes out in the open. I do this alot and every time it becomes harder and harder to rebuild trust again.
What does Michelangelo think Vixen is doing when she is chatting to you? What has she told him about where she's going when the two of you have met up? It would be interesting to hear Vixen's side of this, too.
Originally Posted by nycindie
...but I think it's too soon for either of you to discuss this with Michelangelo and Red -- except, of course, I do think you should let them know that you have a friendship and correspondence going on. I think it's fair and respectful to let them know that, so that anything more that might develop down the road won't come as a shock.
It will come as more or less of a shock anyway, I fear.