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Old 05-12-2011, 08:19 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,235

Hi there. A couple of things...

First of all, it is possible to have a wonderful, beautiful friendship without taking it into the sexual realm. There are people who have non-sexual poly relationships. It's about the love, after all, which doesn't necessarily need to be expressed sexually to be felt and nurturing to both of you.

I do think you both need to get hold of yourselves here and slow down a bit. You're caught up in the excitement, a whirlwind of emotions, a heady euphoria, because you've reunited with someone from your past and it is easy to romanticize the memories and create a fantasy out of them, which surely would influence your relationship today. I say this because she is married, and that is a covenant that needs to be honored. You also need to honor your feelings as well, but some objectivity (as much as you can possibly muster anyway) is in order. Vixen's primary focus right now is her relationship with her husband, and taking action too soon on this crazy intensity she has with you could completely jeopardize the marriage and ruin both his and her lives.

To me, it sounds like you're jumping the gun a little bit. I understand that you're excited and want to move things along; but I think it's too soon for either of you to discuss this with Michelangelo and Red -- except, of course, I do think you should let them know that you have a friendship and correspondence going on. I think it's fair and respectful to let them know that, so that anything more that might develop down the road won't come as a shock.

In your words, it's only been a couple of months. You've got these intense feelings, which have most likely been fueled in large part by both past longings and the "forbidden" quality of her current situation. You say, you're "beginning to have feelings" for both Red and Vixen - but you're not sure if it's romantic love or anything to build a commitment on. You don't know how Red feels about you. It would just make a mess to go too fast.

I say, breathe, relax, don't pressure yourself or each other for an outcome right now. Wait to see how things develop. Keep your feet on the ground.
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 05-12-2011 at 08:21 AM.
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