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Old 10-02-2009, 02:10 AM
heartbt heartbt is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Western Michigan
Posts: 6
Unhappy Whoa, nice resource! Not new to poly, but a bit of help plz.

I need some help getting my head on straight. But before I get into that, I have to say WOW! I have been poly minded for a long time(like 20+yrs), and I have never realized this was here. Good work!
This could be long as I have a hard time editing, and I know the devils in the details here.

The situation that I need some help with. Like I said, poly minded since high school, and loved but never found the life long one, until 7 years ago. I told her up front I was poly, and she was receptive, if not a bit reluctant. I was not with anyone else at the time, so it was just a "thought" to her. I met someone about a year and half later, and I brought this up to her, and we talked and again receptive. For the sake of brevity, once truly faced with it, she was certainly not. 9 months after that, SHE met someone and she thought about poly again, only to again realize that she is not.
(If you need more details to give good advice, I can fill it in, but brevity for now since this is only history.)
We worked out those two previous encounters, and I realized, and promised, that although my principals cannot change, I will be monogamous with her. This worked famously for 2 more years, when for other relationship stress, and stress related to the potential of me "cheating" on her. She left me and took off and "went crazy, becoming someone I was not, nor even liked"(her words). I stuck it out, let her go and since I loved her that much, was eagerly waiting for her when she finally landed. At this time, we again vowed for a monogamous relationship, and I didn't even consider my poly mindset, I had her back in my life, and we were happy.

OK, 3 years after she lands (3 wonderful years, btw), SHE has met someone new, and wants to try poly again. Now I'M the stick in the mud. I cannot seem to get back to where I once was. I'm afraid of losing her in my life, of her not being able to be honest and more so, open. I'm not so much jealous of her or him, but I will confess there is some jealousy, I'm just able to push it aside (know what I mean?) I've never had that before! I can honestly say, this is the first time in my life I've ever dealt with this. Never have I been wired monogamous, but it sure feels like it right now.

Can anyone relate?
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