Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive
Violet has seperation anxiety. Doesn't matter if I'm with Anne or with my business partner or other friends - if I'm gone at bedtime, she starts to get a little crazy.
Added to that, Anne feels "left out" or less than equal because of the time Violet and I spend together by default; add to that Violet freaking out when I try to spend the night at Anne's, and one can see where she sometimes feels a little miffed.
Honestly? It sounds like to me you're trying to move the mountain to Mohammed here. I don't see the problem you're describing being solved by having Anne move in. What you're describing to me feels like an imbalance. Everything's fine as long as Violet gets to have you in bed each night. Anne doesn't get that choice and her needs are trumped by that fact. That fundamental imbalance will still exist even if the three of you share the same bed each night.
It sounds like you need to establish that relationship more, address that separation anxiety and truly come to a clear consensus about what all three of you view as your "equal" roles in the relationship. It's enough to try to establish how to live together...trying to do that *and* sort out how your relationship is going to be between the three of you seems like it could create unnecessary difficulty.
It's lovely that the time you spend together helps quell the insecure feelings, but you can't solve issues of insecurity by trying to prevent the situations that cause them. The actual insecurities need to be addressed, because they will always find new ways to surface. And there's always the chance that they could surface in much more harmful ways if you're all living together.