difficult work does take a lot of time. but is so worth it! To me it takes time because there is a settling period. I can almost physiologically feel the differences in my body when the proper communication hasn't happened and I don't have all the input I need. Sometimes that input is not what I want to hear, and in that case I need the time for everything to stop and just settle in my body and become normalized. With poly I find that giving every issue the respect it deserves is so important. Almost as if that issue is another person that is the black sheep or trouble maker of the group if that makes sense. When I see it this way I am able to deal with it outside my body and not be as emotional about it... all the while still loving the person regardless and without bringing the issue at hand into that love.
does that make sense?
sorry, this is a bit off topic, but then again could be useful in dealing with the BDSM issue also.