Originally Posted by violet
It's tough - I feel like HMA and Anne go running in the direction I said I was comfortable with, only to get tripped by a diamond filament invisible wire I didn't even know was there! I'm as shocked by it as they are! And when I go to start cutting at the filament, it's fucking diamond. And DAMN hard to get through.
That's a good description, and honestly, it was exactly this kind of filament that ended the relationship I was in. She didn't know it was there till it cut off all our legs. (or really cut off my legs and something else for them)
The trouble is that in the way it was set up, as half of the "established" couple, she was the only one that was allowed to have those filaments and all adjustments had to be based on her issues, thus disempowering me even further.
One of my good friends described a certain amount of equality this way: If the established partner said, "I'm feeling a bit insecure at the moment, could you spend less time with our new partner so we can work on it?", could that situation be reversed where the new partner said, "I'm feeling insecure at the moment. Could you spend less time with your established partner so we can work on it?"
Honestly, from what I've been reading of yours and HMA's descriptions of the dynamic when Anne spends time with HMA, I would honestly have reasons to be insecure of that relationship if I was in Anne's place. But then again, I've just been burned, so I probably don't have the best perspective