Thread: Struggling
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Old 05-11-2011, 03:25 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
Yet she always wants more. I end up relenting because she makes me feel guilty, as if I'm some possessive jerk who is infringing on her happiness. She was supposed to use condoms, and I let her talk me out of that. She was supposed to not let him finish off inside her and I let her talk me out of that. I just don't get how she cannot be happy with what she has. Most women would absolutely kill for what she has.

?
You're wife seems to have a bad case of "toddler"....me, me, me. From my perspective, you are in fact being walked all over and she is lucky to have achieved what she has. Time to stand your ground. She's pushed...maybe it's time to push back. If you are not happy with the situation, change it. Maybe that leads to a path with your wife, maybe not. But feeling cuckolded and getting a sore vagina and sexual scraps at the end of the night does not sound particularly enjoyable....especially when this guy has come into your house and you aren't happy with that.

What about him in all this??? I moved into Redpepper and her husband's house, but if my presence was causiing him stress or he didn't want me there, I woul pack and leave immediately. There is a level of childish selfishness in all this and I don't believe it is coming from you.

You say you love your wife less....I get this. Sometimes things come into our life that lessen the connection we have with people. I've felt that from time to time. I see it as a valid response to certain things. Have you explained this to her? I know it is hard to accept for some people but this does happen. People always say you can't falling in love with someone..well on the flip side you can't control falling out of love as well. The thing is, when you are in love with some one you can overcome or tolerate a lot more stuff than you can when you aren't. When you love some one it is a powerfull bond which holds you together in times of struggle without the need for external glue such as houses, kids, retirement and debt. When you aren't in love, that external glue is the only thing that does hold you together. Too many people are trapped in that situation. It's no way to live a healthy sustained life in my opinion.

If you are going to give this a shot...you definitely need stronger boundaries and a schedule that works for both of you. That should include sex/sleeping nights if there is a heavy, and unwanted, imbalance.

As far as your ego goes...and ego is a factor to most men...that is something you need to work on for yourself. If you stay on this course you will need to be confident and tough with respect to how your friends will view you in a lot of cases. In my case it required shutting out a lot of old friends but the ones I have made since are people who will always be there.

Good luck
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