new, confused, and unsure
Hi I'm new to the site and completely new to poly but i'm trying to cope and need some guidance. I've recently found myself in a relationship with a man that has told me he was poly. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and feelings are beginning to happen on both sides.
I haven't met his partner yet but I know that it is going to happen eventually. I know she wants to meet me as he's told me several times. I've told him that while of course i want to meet her i need some time. That is totally true. What I'm having trouble getting him to understand is noted below.
Truly what am i supposed to say to her? I feel a horrible guilt that I've interfered in their relationship to begin with and I'm at the point of going off the deep end. I worry in a lot of respects, after all she was here first and really as soon as I found out I should have backed off.
I find myself trying to be more and more invisible. I try not to message him unless I figure she is asleep or working. I let him buzz me so that I don't feel like I'm interfering in any way and that he has time for me. I've had a few moments where I really needed to talk since we met and he's always been available. This just adds to my guilt more as I know I'm taking time away from her.
I've discussed this with him and he's told me its not like that at all. She's understanding and is fine with the time he spends with me. He believes that we will get along very well once we meet. This is weighing very heavy on me though and I'm unsure as a third person coming into the relationship just where I stand if anywhere.
I could probably ramble on this post forever but I'll leave it at that. I don't know if i'm the only one out there that has this type of thoughts but I'm grateful for any advise you can offer.