Maybe you should look for two separate individuals, rather than an already established couple. If you want a man and a woman in your life, find one first, build that relationship a little, and then be open to finding the other.
It seems that most couples out there looking for a bi women as a third, tend to be in open relationships or more invested in sport sex than poly. Of course, here on this forum you will find more actual poly peeps, but from what I've been coming across elsewhere, it's hard to find an already established relationship that isn't just looking for sex with a third, rather than a relationship. I was just reading (on a Meetup.com message board) some detestable guideline a couple has of only giving their unicorn (oh, how I have come to hate that term - it is so objectifying!) no more than 10% of the man's attention, while 90% should be for the wife. They said to "never go past 80/20" or to let the second woman "linger too long" because "you will wind up with a relationship" -- heaven forbid! For some reason, this is apparently the standard in those circles, mean to keep attachment at bay.
Try getting to know poly people -- do you have any groups that meet near you? Just relax the search a little and get to know folks who are more open to actually developing multiple relationships, and see what happens.
Last edited by nycindie; 05-11-2011 at 04:51 AM.