This was something I wrote years ago, titled "Compersion"
as I stated before I write to explore my feelings and emotions... Maybe you can see the pain mixed with love
Idly twirling her hair without realizing it she smiled as she watched the movie. There was no plot, there was no acting and it didn’t matter because she wasn’t really watching it. She wasn’t lost in though either, she was simply there and she was simply happy. She was happy because he was happy, happy because it was cool enough in the house to use blankets and happy because they were happy.
Later she would worry about whether or not he would be coming home tonight. Later she would worry if this would change the way he felt about her. But for now she was content, for now she could be happy for him, she could be happy for them.
An annoying commercial interrupted her train of non thoughts and she lit a smoke to compensate. She looked to make sure the phone was on, but nothing more, she wouldn’t will him to call, for now it was her turn and he would call on his way back. Till then she would hold the ratty stuffed dog he had bought her one day because it reminded him of her. Today it reminded her that he was sometimes reminded of her and that would have to be enough.
Half a pack later she turned off the television and considered writing in her journal. Instead she turned off the light, held the stuffed dog closer and with her eyes open cried as she smiled. Sometime later she cleared her throat when the phone rang and answered with a sincere “I love you”. She was happy, happy for all of them. She was happy now for herself.