It's not that I ever thought, oh your fat, I need a younger, slim model now. The weight problem hurt in so much as she was rejecting my advances based on her not feeling good about herself. I did not recognize that at the time. I saw it as her lack of interest in me.
I did try to be supportive of her weight issues. I offered to get gym memberships, go cycling, running and any other number of things.
She refused and continues to refuse them all. Insisting she must do this alone, locked in the basement away from prying eyes.
So when she kept refusing, I stopped offering, as it just made me seem like I was harping on about her weight.
I've considered how my leaving would hurt her, how it would effect her self-esteem, I don't want to be responsible for that.
I don't really feel that loosing weight will help our relationship though, sure the sex might get better. I will still love her just the same, but I don't see me saying, I no longer want to be poly.
But whenever I tell myself, you need to be responsible, you need to end what you are doing, you need to stay with her and support her. I find myself wondering, is choosing to stay, to provide her emotional support and suppressing my own wants/needs (however selfish they may be) the right thing to do?
If I break things off with N, stay with D and suppress my want to have another love... is it not doomed to failure?
I've sampled the forbidden fruit of N and I liked it. I wanted to legitimize it, so it was something that did not have to be hidden. I realize that is not an option now. But it's still something I want.
Having an affair was for sure not the way to go about it, I know that going from an affair to poly almost never works and is out of the question in my case.
Are there any there any others out there that have managed to suppress the urge to have more than one love and stay in a mono relationship for their partner?