"Please don't be offended by this, but it doesn't sound like you're dating a couple. You don't even seem to like this woman--which isn't good, if you do like her husband."
Honestly, I'm not offended.
Without going into too much detail, she knows she lacks maturity, she knows her method of dealing with things is childish, and it has become apparent to her that for all that she is nice, she's needs to finally grow up and stop depending on others to take care of things.
I'm trying to keep it as general as possible; she knows if we're ever going to be close again, she has to make up a lot of ground.
I am sure this all sounds awful and mean. I should quit while I'm not too far behind.