Originally Posted by moonandstars
Thanks for the ADD hint. we have discussed that as well. I checked out a self-diagnosis check list, which indicates at what point one should react. there are some obvious symptoms as you said, but some are just clearly against it (he can be sooooooo organized at work). but the whole calendar thing is true - time is very abstract for him. but maybe this really needs to be taken a closer look at. but isn't it also a "fashion" to diagnose ADD?? i might be mistaken, but at school all of a sudden so many kids are ADD. but you might know more about it (but that is not the topic here).
AND YES, you say it: I have THREE kids. well,to be honest we have a new au pair (who is so helpful), but who needs integration, so I am actually responsible for FOUR (in some way). :-)
Yes I understand-even though I am ADD too-I OFTEN feel like I have 5 kids and not 4. For the same reason. Only in the last 6 months have we started addressing the issue and only after truly researching Adult ADD did we find out that adult add manifests with different symptoms, there are MANY types and forms of ADD (doctors tend not to consider this which is why seeing a psychiatrist with a good amount of experience dealing with adults is critical).
Yes-there are a lot of kids who get diagnosed and I'm SURE many of them aren't.
However-if you educate yourself-you can ensure you don't allow that to happen in your life. Adults generally are not diagnosed at all and women/girls are OFTEN misdiagnosed as "depressed" instead of ADD because ADD can have depression as a co-morbid illness. Unfortunately treating someone who IS ADD with anti-depressants can actually make the ADD worse which creates a HUGE disaster.
The calendar thing is key. I am VERY organized, own my own business, do my own paperwork, taxes, etc for the business with no help. There are varying degrees off ADD-and there are also differences in how it manifests from men to women and in different people. Just like blood pressure-if you have high blood pressure and they prescribe one med for you, that doens't mean that I would do well with it if I have high blood pressure. I may in fact not need meds at all, just need to alter some detail of my life like increasing exercise.
I would suggest going online and looking at ADDitude.com and some others just to see if anything seems to register. If you want to send me a private message I could give you more options.
Bottomline with the relationship (took me long enough to get there myself) is that you need to be concrete in making sure your needs are met. I am (like you described yourself) amazing about being easy going to the point where sometimes I do more then I SHOULD which allows the other person to "get away with things" that they should not because it seems to me like it's "just not that big of a deal".
If he IS ADD getting help (not necessarily meds) to control it and help him train himself to better responsibility THROUGHOUT his life would help a lot. If he's not-therapy still might be in order to help him comprehend HIS responsibility in the marriage and how critical it is for him to communicate with you if he wants a good marriage (poly aside).
Does that make sense?