Thread: Reinventing Ivy
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Old 05-09-2011, 10:01 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
Hrrm. Maybe it's because it's late and I got a bit of a sunburn today, but writing this is making me less upset and more cranky. Cranky can be a good thing, I think. Kind of like when a wound starts to heal, it doesn't hurt anymore, it just itches...right?
I think you're right here: you're using milder terms (upset/cranky) for feelings that - if they were stronger - might be expressed as depression and anger.
Depression would mean that you're blaming yourself, that you feel that you are doing something wrong. Anger is when you feel that the situation is unfair. So - in a non-exaggerated way - I think that you're on the right path.
Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
Sure, loving someone else is a warm fluffy feeling, for the person experiencing it. For others who didn't ask for it, who have passed up similar experiences for the sake of their primary love, it's an cruel, unfair feeling.

At least in some circumstances, the joy derived from falling for someone else comes at the cost of someone else's happiness and security. If I love someone, what on earth could possibly drive me to hurt them simply to make myself happier?

I'd love to hear anyone's input on this. I'm seeing more and more of my acquaintances in poly and open relationships spout lovey-dovey, peace and happiness crap when they're the ones carrying on an outside relationship, but when their partner shows interest in someone else, it's the end of the effing universe, they collapse into depression and alcoholism, and sometimes break things off entirely.
Again, don't blame yourself for the fact that other people have problems dealing with your wish for more freedom. Love (as opposed to a demand: "Hey! I NEED to have sex with you!") is a gift. If they can't accept that gift - or don't wish to - that's something for them to deal with.

As for that last paragraph: that has to do with hypocrisy and double standards. And those aren't limited to polyamory (oh how I wish they were! As much of a pain-in-the-arse as they are here, if they were ONLY to be found here, I'd be a relatively happy man. [Actually, I'm relatively happy anyway.]) I've been contributing lately to blogs about the summary killing of bin Laden. Because the USA did it, it's just wonderful. When I point out that if an Iranian commando unit killed Salman Rushdie on USA soil, these bloggers wouldn't find that justifiable at all, it just doesn't sink into their warped world view that they're being completely biased and hypocritical. And when I point out that this arrogant bias on the part of the USA (and other western countries) is what generates anti-western feeling and leads (and WILL lead) to more terrorist attacks, their attitude is: "We're stronger, we're better, we'll wupp their asses!"
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