Oops, meant to spell that MORENESS...
I was asked by my SO, Rubyslippers, to seek y'alls thoughts on this, as I'm in unfamiliar waters.... again. Navigational aids would be appreciated so I don’t end upon the rocks. (Like my two marriages did...)
I’ve always 'jumped' right into relationships immersing myself ... Admittedly loosing 'myself' in the process. RS and I are in an 'open' relationship (first time for both of us), live separately (part of the issue) and are not quite Polly but more than swinging, if that makes sense. Although as I think I stated in a previous thread (double standard) I am more into 'relations' than relationships as RS is with our others.
The issue is that I felt such an incredible sense of 'moreness' that I'm certain came from knowing I was going to sleep each night, in the 'arms' of my wife. We had our own careers and separate individual interests but the sense of togetherness added a wonderful content sense of the relationship itself as having its own soul that we shared as individuals. I swear that sense of a soul WE created and nurtured was a beautiful presence that was my companion even when we were not physically together. I miss that feeling that I believe was recharged every night sleeping together.
RS has spent her life living very independently. She has stated that since she was a child the thought of marriage didn't make sense to her.
I do NOT need to be married but I like to share myself with the people I care about and want for them what brings me joy. To those of you who read 'double standard' this last statement would make you laugh... but I'm coming to some realizations (with your help) and my struggles are paying off.
Anyway, the exact opposite happens when I wonder each day if I will be sleeping alone. I don't have the sense of companionship that I treasure. RS has opened herself up to so many things (we both have) during our relationship which she says she is happy for, including being able to spend more than a few hours alone with another before wanting to abandon ship. I am truly grateful for that. However, increasingly, the vacancy, this feeling of soulnessness (is that a word?) particularly that which sleeping nightly with the person I care about deeply gives me, is something I need to come to terms with.
I would appreciate your thoughts.
Last edited by islandgy9; 05-08-2011 at 08:01 PM.
Reason: misspelled thread title...