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Old 05-08-2011, 07:11 PM
polycouple polycouple is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CT/RI area
Posts: 55

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I might need a little bit more background in order to give any useful input. Is it that Tom and Sara are the more established couple? In what circumstances did your relationship begin? How long have you been together? What are your living circumstances? Is Sara the only one working?
Yes, Tom and Sarah are the established couple. They have been living together for several years. We have only been together for several months. The relationship moved extremely fast because we live very close and see each other almost on a daily basis. Sarah is not the only one working. In fact, all three of us work and go to school. We are all super busy. That is why having the restrictions is particularly difficult because although we see each other daily, the interactions can be short, or we are busy studying/working. Of course, things are much better now that school is over for the summer for Sara and I. The more time we get to spend together the easier things get because we bond, and she begins to trust that I am in this relationship because I love BOTH of them, not just Tom.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
My triady situation is very new but everyone is very committed to making it work. "My" couple has sought out a third for years, so that creates a different set of pressures than if you stumble upon a triad situation accidentally. Still, I think the strain that is caused by one couple/person in the triad wanting to progress faster than the others is pretty universal. It is not a sign of doom to struggle with this, IMHO, if Sara is willing to try. Is there any history between you and Tom that would explain Sara's insecurities?
Sarah and Tom were always looking for a girlfriend. Because of this, I was originally surprised when the insecurities and rules started to pop up (I know, naive). Then I later learned that Sara meant really just a friend with benefits that they could go out with and have fun with now and then. They didn't mean a legitimate loving, intimate kind of girlfriend. Apparently, it was never Sara's intent to fall in love, or for Tom to fall in love. Sara was the first one to drop the L-word. She is completely comfortable with the two of us being in love (her and I). It is the fact that Tom and I are love as well that causes the insecurities. There is no history between Tom and I, but there is history with Tom. He has a past of infidelity with his past long term relationships. Of course, I think this has a lot to do with the fact that he is polyamorous but never found an outlet, or a means to practice it ethically. Though I think I am also making excuses for bad behavior with that one.

Thanks for the response. I look forward to your feedback !!
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