Originally Posted by moonandstars
Quath mentioned that housework should be divided, according to time etc. i actually don't mind doing more, if as you said I like it (i mean i would not complain about more free time, but some things just need to be done),but in this new situation I don't see why I should be delegating, both are responsible, so both have to act without one reminding the other what needs to be done. He keeps forgetting things, so I keep reminding him, even his kids birthday, which is really hurtful, but apparently a big problem for him as well (I have already wondered whether it was some brain problem, but he is quite intelligent on other sides, so that can't be it). but again, yes, you are right i want him to do the thinking work , which means that he is really implied in what is going on in that house and family.
thanks for being on the forum and this nice welcome!
This might seem off the wall-but has he ever been evaluated for ADD? Seriously? Only more recently has it been established concretely that ADD is an issue in adults as well as children-but the symptoms are different. A NUMBER of the things you speak of SCREAM ADD to me (I am ADD as is my husband and 3 of our children). I read your words about having to remind him about things "that should matter to him" already and feeling like it should be important enough for him to be doing it.... well it could be he's just being self-centered. I certainly don't know him-but... well it kind of feels to me like maybe he's ADD and simply doesn't know it.
Most people in my life aren't aware that I am ADD. I have GREAT coping mechanisms, do great at work, am very intelligent, thoughtful and caring. But I have to make sure EVERYTHING is on the calendar-or it doesn't exist, including date nights with hubby (sometimes that makes me FEEL stupid) and if I am busy, stressed, nervous, I tend to lose the ability to be truly considerate and have to be reminded.
However-these are things that if you can identify the CAUSE of the behavior (for me it's ADD) it's much easier to work on fixing it. For me I make sure to NOT over schedule myself-because if I do-well I'm a B****.... but if I keep my schedule predictable and fairly calm-I do fine. ....
Anyway-could be totally off base-the rest of your post-I liked the other suggestions!
Good luck and welcome to the forum.