Originally Posted by Erin
Yes GS, a little education is always good. I want to know why I'm such a fiend and he isnt... and how to find balance so we can have a lasting relationship. I'd sure like an open marriage for both of us, though. Maybe it really is like they say... I'm in my dirty thirties! lol
Well Erin, I think in the majority of cases our pervert-o-meter is set where we are raised. The culture, exposure to various options etc. One persons kink is another persons vanilla.
For some people the part of sex that equates to the soft, fuzzy, bonding closeness dominates. It's what they learned, what they feel they are 'missing' etc.
And yea, in some cases, it's simply that they never were exposed to the huge variety of possibilities before things started to solidify in their brains. Sometimes getting this exposure will open doors (some we wish were never opened), sometimes it goes the other way. i.e. total disgust and shutdown.
And I think there's a few that are at the point of 'been there-done that-ho/hum'.
Depends on the individual and their history. You'll have to dig into his and hopefully he'll open it up to you to understand.
But a common bottom line is that your desires are going to differ even after the investigation concludes. That's when the fun begins, trying to find an acceptable solution that fulfills you both !
Good luck !