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Old 10-01-2009, 06:54 PM
moonandstars moonandstars is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Thanks you quath, mono, ygirls and fidelia for your responses. you are great, it is the first time i am talking to "experts"I feel very relieved getting your opinions and I finally feel really "validated" (if that is the right expression). Thanks for telling me I am amazingly openminded.I feel so and it is very important to me.

Some of you suggested to just say NO, when the YES/NO questions comes up. well, i actually don't want to say NO unless it comes from himself. I want him to make his decision and all the work that comes with it, because I DO believe it can be benificial. And if it does not work, i want him to find out for himself and reach his own limits. It is part of my nature/character that I feel very reluctant to impose my lifstyle/opinion on others ." live and let live" suits me far better.so far I am open and strong enough to just see where it leads us and do my emotional work (with your help-thanks). I trust myself enough to stop the train if it really gets too much.

As you said, the redflag was up, when he was already emotionally engaged with his exgf in some sort (without her actually knowing it), when we discussed the concept. So, yes, there are trust issues, but we have dicussed this, and he sees the point and feels sorry and quite bad about it. but there are some trust issues that need to be healed, you are right, we both know about that and are hopefully working on it on both sides :-).

and there goes another point, quath said that introverts need to be asked questions and take time to respond and mono replied that it seems that i am doing all the work. And i guess this is the raw spot: I am EVEN responsible for him to communicate to me. This is where i really feel that I have have so much to deal with for myself in this new situation and i have to facilitate communication if I want "news" from his side. I actually do want to communicate, but sometimes I get so tired of "facilitating" communication where i just want to get news where the other person emotionally stands. without asking, just because it is natural to speak about it or just because i am worth talking to without asking a hundred questions.

Quath mentioned that housework should be divided, according to time etc. i actually don't mind doing more, if as you said I like it (i mean i would not complain about more free time, but some things just need to be done),but in this new situation I don't see why I should be delegating, both are responsible, so both have to act without one reminding the other what needs to be done. He keeps forgetting things, so I keep reminding him, even his kids birthday, which is really hurtful, but apparently a big problem for him as well (I have already wondered whether it was some brain problem, but he is quite intelligent on other sides, so that can't be it). but again, yes, you are right i want him to do the thinking work , which means that he is really implied in what is going on in that house and family.

thanks for being on the forum and this nice welcome!
moonandstars
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