So much love to give, it doesn't fit into one pot
Intro : I'm 33 yrs, married for almost 8 years, with two beautiful daughters.
How it evolved : I will just jump straight in and explain that after several years of enjoying online fun and flirting, my husband realised his cuckold fantasies and he loved the thought of me being pleasured by someone else. About a year after discussing this, I ended up having a one-night stand with a work colleague after a party, with hubby there and it was amazing. It brought us much closer together and we knew this extra-curricular activity was something we wanted to explore.
My husband is totally mono and whilst any many could fantasise about being with someone else, this isn't something that he currently is interested in. It was the idea of me effectively swinging or having a FWB situation and him being present that we have been looking for since.
I got chatting with a male friend of a friend and we have had two amazing nights, but whilst he has a great personality, I'm not physically attracted to him and just don't wish to continue with it on that basis, because I need to feel chemistry. I am flirtatious in nature and enjoy the banter and attention from other people, but it cuts deeper than that.
Since March this year, an amazing, younger male friend from work and I have kissed, he's been to our house for two awesome evenings and we have shared fun times, slow meaningful sex and the chemistry between us is electric.
I have absolutely no wish to hurt my husband, I love him no less, I don't wish to replace him and I feel I probably want to have my cake and eat it. My husband is feeling understandably out of the picture, because the fast passionate fucking that he gets a kick out of isn't happening and we are effectively making love. I haven't said to my friend that I love him and neither has he, but I could easily see this happening and my husband can visibly see that we are falling for each other and he asked if we pulled the plug, would I continue and have an affair. I have no wish to be deceitful or cause hurt and would not continue behind his back as this can only work with his consent, trust and awareness.
I'm a very attentive, loving person and I feel complete with what is going on with my friend but I can't be selfish and want all this at the risk of hurting my husband.
I have explained to my friend that I am in no way stopping him from finding someone else and whilst it will be hard when he does, I am happy to be a gap-filler until he finds someone who can commit to him.
In my mind, it's feasible to love them both but I'm holding back. Thoughts, comments, warnings all welcomed! Thank you for reading x