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Old 05-08-2009, 05:03 AM
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nikkiana nikkiana is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
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My rule also is if someone asks, I won't lie. I'm out online... anyone who knows how to use google and can read could probaby eventually figure out that I'm poly if they were so inclined to dig for it. The username I use here is the same that I use everywhere, even in professional contexts (I do web development, and I telecommute... and most of my business is picked up from online social networking). So, for the most part I consider myself to be out in professional circles... I might not say it outright to everyone, but it's not a big secret either... and in the community that I work within, it's not proved to be a big deal.

I'm not currently out to my parents, but they have met my boyfriend (Dino) on several occasions. I'm not entirely sure why I'm not comfortable coming out to them, but the dynamic of my relationship with them just doesn't seem to dictate the need to define things. When I introduced Dino to them, I didn't assign him any title like friend or boyfriend, etc. that might indicate how close we were, I just kept it to his name and kept it vague.... and my parents didn't have any inclination to ask any questions even after I was affectionate with both of my partners in front of them. A lot of people think it's a weird dynamic, but it's comfortable for me.

My husband is not out at all to his parents. Likely his father would be fine with it, but he's got a very conservative mother who is also retired who would likely be calling daily to tell us that we're living in sin or somesuch, so for now we've decided to stay closeted to them... BIL and SIL and some cousins might have figured it out because they're friend of mine on Facebook, and I'm not exactly closed about it there.

Dino's been out to his family from the very beginning. Part of that had to do with Facebook (his mom's friends with him on there) and the fact that it just seemed to be the right climate to do so in his family... Within a fairly short timespan, he came out as being in a poly relationship and his sister came out as bisexual.

Neither of the boys are out at work as far as I know...

The question came up in my mind because twice today instances about being out came up...

One, I was at a geek event fairly recently and a woman who works in the same industry that I do and have been fairly professionally friendly with noticed that I was affection with both my husband and boyfriend, and apparently on the second day when I wasn't there, she asked about it when PB (platonic boyfriend, my gay best friend) was helping her fix her computer. He wasn't entirely sure how to respond but he told the truth (which is what I would have done), and wanted to warn me just in case she brought it up to me so it wasn't a surprise.

The second time it came up was because my husband has been looking for a job, and Dino IMed me this afternoon to tell me that his department at his company had an opening that my husband would be a good fit for (husband is miserable at his job, and they've started laying people off, so he's concerned things aren't stable... so Dino's been on the lookout for him in general) and wanted to ask whether he should submit the copy of husband's resume... and in the process of telling me about this, we started talking about "What ifs..." and suddenly Dino, who in general is a very out person about labeling what Husband and I are to him, realized that if Husband got the job it might be awkward to explain to his coworkers that they know each other because they're both involved with the same woman. :lol:
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