Mr - Thanks for the hugs, they are appreciated
Back to your scenarios, I think I would enjoy if A) AND B) happened, how cool would that be?
Nycindie - Yes, we are still going to counseling. In fact we went today, and today was the first visit I felt that maybe made some dents in what we are trying to achieve? She mentioned the rule of 1/3s... That in a relationship, you get 1/3rd of your needs met by your significant other, 1/3 met by your personal achievements, and 1/3 met by other people (maybe not sexually, but in this case, yes, I would like it to be). Right now I feel like hubs wants me to be 100% that person, where as I don't and couldn't expect that from him.
He is still laying off the drinking, although he asked if he could tonight. I told him that if he thought he could not get all crazy that it would be okay. We'll see how it goes. I don't expect him to never drink again, but at least he has cut back a lot.
or renegotiate terms so that you can dip your toes into polyamory and let him deal with it as best he can? I don't mean to say that you just go ahead and do what you want, saying, "Deal with it, I want what I want," like some people do. It would be different if you say you want to try it and now negotiations will surround you doing so, with the caveat that you can go back to mono if it doesn't work out. But you can't know if it will work without giving poly a chance.
This is what I would like, really. I think without dipping my toes in it, nothing will ever progress. However, I also feel like he thinks he gave it a chance..I felt like it wasn't given a fair chance. That it was back and forth and up and down, that it just couldn't BE for a time to see how it went. I hate to use this term, but I don't think I'm satisfied with what happened with J, as the "chance".
Carma, *HUGS*! Maybe we can meet on that island!? I'm actually getting a vacation at the end of the month.. 10 days, kid free!! Going home to visit my family and see my uncle for his 50th birthday. I'm very excited to have all that time to do what I want without having to worry about responsibilities!
So that said.. yes, we had our appointment today. DH thinks he might need antidepressants to get him out of this slump of negative thinking. Maybe it will help? Counselor wants to see us for two more weeks to see if he can work it out on his own first, I'm trying to remain hopeful.