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Old 05-06-2011, 05:01 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
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I hate it that conventional society forces us into boxes. But how much of a rebel do I really want to be??? Tough question. I am a revolutionary in THOUGHT -- but doing the actual leg-work of it? TERRIFIES me. I like knowing that I have a "little secret," at times, yet I feel it shouldn't HAVE to be a secret, in order for me to be loved and accepted in the world

I fell into poly when I found myself in love with 2 men at the same time. There was simply NO denying it or getting around it, there was no "choice" in the matter, I could not stop loving either one of them, and poly presented me with a CHOICE. I loved that!

Would I go seeking it??? Wow, I don't know -- probably not. It's been grueling! But it would be hard to predict, now that I know it can be a choice, and one that is adventurous and bold, and I've been so proud of myself for daring to try it.

I think even if I find myself in a monogamous relationship again, I would still be supportive of alternative lifestyles, and be openly so. Perhaps even MORE so, since I would not be inviting personal criticism and harsh judgement and all the hatred that comes along with going against the norm...

I'm scared, myself. I feel I am living a lie by being secretive, yet I am not willing to (or even able to) give up one of my loves, nor am I strong enough to risk coming out. AND neither of the men wishes to be out, either!!! Probably the biggest factor!!! If they wanted to out us, I'd feel FREE. I'd step up! I'm brave, but I can't do it alone. Hmmmmm.... there's some real food for thought, for me today.......

Anyway -- I don't think you've "chosen" monogamy, you have chosen to love. Right now it simply happens to be that you love one, in that special way. If you stay in the moment, you will probably find that you are happy right now, and that is OKAY. Enjoy it -- true happiness is rare, in any form! And if you find yourself faced with a new love, you will know the options, at least. Just for today -- good for you, you've found something that works, a relationship that makes you happy. I think that is great.
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Formerly married to Sundance
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