View Single Post
  #19  
Old 10-01-2009, 07:43 AM
live4themusic live4themusic is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 13
Default

Well maybe I wasn't clear. My preferred relationship doesn't have to involve 3 people but if it did, it would be a triad, NOT a V (I don't like using these labels though, that's why I referred to them the way I did [and I'm not saying I would be unwilling to participate in a V either])

I think you seem to have the same understanding of jealousy as me as far as it being a selfish and self-preserving emotion goes.

I think I have a different take on relationships than most (even polyamorous) people.

The way I look at it, I am ALWAYS involved in an intimate relationship... with myself.

That's the one relationship I'll always have and won't have to worry about going anywhere.

I'm also CRAZY about myself and completely happy with just myself, but not to the extent of narcissism where I treat other people badly or am incapable of loving others. My circle of love can be expanded to fit any number of people.

So I'm never really afraid of being left by anyone. If they are happy with someone else who isn't me and I love them, I am happy for them, not jealous.

Anger is something I might feel in a relationship if I was lied to, not if the other person genuinely grew apart from me.

I'm not saying jealousy doesn't exist as an emotion. I want things other people have sometimes. I might be jealous of a person for their money, their job, their lack of complications in life, their health.

But if I love someone, I don't feel jealous of them any more. I'm just happy for them for the things they have. I may experience desire to spend time with them, and some of this desire may originate from selfish interest because of the good feelings that person makes me experience. In absence of these feelings, I may feel loneliness, or boredom. Jealousy doesn't connote any of these things to me though.

To me jealousy is more than loneliness and boredom, it's a feeling of wanting something you don't have that someone else does. If someone I love is happy spending time with someone who isn't me, my feeling of happiness for them completely overrides any desire for them. I WANT them to experience that happiness. I guess there may be some situations in which I would experience jealousy again (of someone I love), but I haven't encountered one in 5-6 years.
Reply With Quote