Originally Posted by MorningTwilight
So here's a poser for you, that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately.
What would you as a poly say to a mono who responds, "Well then, why don't you just tell yourself not to fall in love with anyone else?"
Good morning Twilight
I hope when/if this happens you can convince her/anyone that while you appreciate the sentiment, it's not a valid question in it's current construct.
An apples to oranges situation if you will.
Dealing with jealousy and social programming (what actions does 'love' entail or not) is quite a different animal than discussing the connections we encounter/form with other living things - including humans.
The monogamous model specifies (in most cases) that if you 'love' me then all of your emotional and physical resources will be solely dedicate to my needs/demands. At minimum I'll convey to you some ultimate authority as to what and when exceptions to this will be allowed. In short, I relinquish my personal power over my own life to someone else.
And of course, many people come to some point that they suddenly start to analyze that construct, question both the validity and viability of it, and put it on the table for discussion and modification.
So the alternate question becomes..............
Why ? (should I)
"Why should I shut off positive emotions and actions between myself and another person ?" Something that is a natural part of being alive.
From there the discussion leans toward not 'if' but 'how'. How do we balance this so it brings the greatest benefit to all ?
There's a huge difference between 'shutting off jealousy' (a negative, fear driven emotion ingrained in us but bolstered by a cultural model that's oriented towards CONTROL) and shutting off ourselves from ties to others.
It's not 'love' that people are truly fearful of, it's time, attention, money etc that are all seemingly put at risk. That is where the competitive/control factor comes in. Standard competition for resources - same problem that keeps the world in turmoil in general. Owning/controlling vs sharing.
So my 'personal' response to such a query would be " because I don't choose to- because I believe the negativity of that choice would outweigh the positive".
Dealing with jealousy, fear etc does not involve 'shutting off' anything. It involves educating ourselves on some biology, sociology, psychology etc. It's about expansion - not contraction - of our potential.
My thoughts at least.........