I think Mono is right in that she is not able to balance more than one partner in her life. That doesn't mean she won't ever be able to, just that she is working on achieving that. Having been through that before with my husband and other primary I can empathize. I felt very unbalanced for sometime when it came to starting a new relationship with someone I found I loved more than any other partner besides my husband. I was very caught up in the mystery of him, the sexuality of him, the newness of him and the fact that my love was so huge. My husband was very patient with me and stayed calm and focused on allowing me the space and time to figure out the balance. He made no demand and was there every moment I wanted to talk without putting his needs and wants in the mix at all. He just listened.... he also did a lot of his own self esteem building and self worth building for no one but himself and in knowing that I love him, but can't always be available.
I think that perhaps there is something to be said for how she rushed into it. Perhaps that was too fast, regardless of how much you like the guy. It still was a bit disrespectful to jump in before you were ready... I'm willing to assume that she knows how much she can gently push you though as I certainly do such things with my husband.
Lastly, you have no idea what the dynamic is going on for her and this new guy... it may be something that you can not be privy to. Her privacy and respecting her space is probably a good idea... not to mention her right to having her own stuff going on.
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