Sigh I feel much calmer now and loving towards D. Last weekend was just so emotional, and I had so little energy to give. I keep reading these forums and learning more. I think D definitely has a fear of abandonment, hence his need for reassurance before and after my meeting with C. Certainly I had no problem with giving as much as I could, but his state was pretty extreme.
C and I have not been in touch in several days, and D hasn't asked me about him. I'm disappointed, sad, and frustrated regarding C, but I also feel that there were never any explicit agreements or conversations between us, it was more of a fling, so that's that. It's had the benefit of slowing me down whether I wanted to or not
and given D some time to heal. We have also refocused on each other. D has a lot of BDsm experience (I originally wrote that I am his mistress, I think that was overstating. We had talked about 24/7 and tried it a bit, but it didn't work out. Now I just am a Domme to him in the bedroom and sometimes when we check in during the day). We're planning to go to a munch next weekend, and I'm also contacting the local poly group (sometimes they cross over, it seems like they may meet up together in the future).
I just read the ENTIRE BDsm thread today (whew took a while!) and it was quite fun. I may post there soon.
Lately I feel like reactivating my OKCupid account (that is how I met D and also C), but I'd like to talk to D about it first, and we're both still recovering from last week. I'm also deactivating my AFF account (where I met the professor) since I definitely want boyfriends and not casual sex.
I feel like (and know) I'm such a newbie as I read the other threads here. I guess everyone has to start somewhere though, and I'm glad I'm starting late rather than never!!