i wanted to post here every day. but yesterday i was busy with an interesting dialogue. i found out that my wife is not in love with me even though she loves me but is in love with him. i tried one of her coping methods and got drunk for the first time in my life. i won't be doing that again but i still love tequila.
!!! i'm in need of a safe space for healing and her love for him is keeping her from aquiescing to my request for a moratorium on external sex. i need to move i have a place but i'm stuck here. at least the tequila kept me laughing instead of crying.
she says she nneds a safe space for herself and feels that i'm trying to control her. i fixed that by breaking up with her but i'm still just sitting here.
i feel betrayed destroyed and broken and am holding on to the remnants of the old relationship we had. but that relationship doesn't exist any more. i gotta get that through my head. i just want her to feel safe but i don't think i can give it to her by staying, because i need a safe place to heal. and she's not giving it to me.
our 6th anniversary was sunday and it feels so bad to have made it this far and then quit. but we just can't seem to get on the same page. it feels like our marriage is based on a lie, or at least some false assumptions. and i can't bend to her wishes and she can't bend to mine. she says just stay and work it out, but i won't stay until i get a promise to protect me for her stupid actions. maybe that is control but who cares at this point. i just want my sanity no matter how many tears i have to cry. thank you all for your advice. writing these letters has been helping me immensely. and knowing that there are others out there who can help is a godsend.
@ Lovingradiance thank you for the info. found three counselors but it may be too late to have them help us.
and too all, love often, love plenty and love deep. treasure what you have and let it grow.