Thread: Struggling
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Old 05-04-2011, 05:49 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
I generally allowed him to move in because I was expecting the NRE to die down and for her to see her situation more accurately. I did this with the advice after talking to my wife and one of her friends (the only other person who knew about it) Everyone expected the NRE to die down. That's part of my concern. I'd figure that 4 months later it would have.
The scientific explanation for NRE or the reaction of being in-love I've read about is that it allows two people to get it on approximately as long as it takes for a healthy couple to conceive, so anything between 6 months to 2 years. So I would postpone all major life decisions, including moving-in together, till at least two years have gone past.

Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
I forgot to add, one of the rules (which I don't suppose many here think will be a good idea) is that if she does do anything sexual with him she has to tell me.
That doesn't actually sound very outlandish/control-freaky to me. Depends of course on how much detail you want, but I think it's actually fairly common to let one partner know if there is going to be sexy times with the other.

Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
We do have pretty open lines of communication, but Steve is left out completely. He is my friend, and if he knew this is causing any marital strife he'd stop sleeping with my wife.
I suspect this is a major point for improvement. He is living there - he is part of your life, and more over, a friend.

Do you do any friend stuff together with Steve? Do you have guy dates?

Show the two of them your posts, or an edited version thereof (telling Steve he doesn't deserve your wife point-blank might have to wait a little ). Steve deserves to get in the loop, and you need to respect he is an adult who can deal with his own relationship stuff and own up to his actions.

Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
We've got no money to go out and do things or have our child watched since I'm raising a family on GI Bill. I watch our kid a lot to give her time for herself, but she says that just makes me a good dad, not someone she feels connected to.
Date nights at home? Like Steve taking the baby out for a walk, and the two of you cooking and watching a movie together? You need equal date time with her compared to what Steve is getting, and guy dates with Steve as well.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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